HoneyMoan

Breath taking view on the flight to Srinagar

While glancing into Sud's bag to see what he was carrying on our honeymoon, I was horrified to discover a pair of 'long johns'. I stared aghast at the offending undergarment and glaring at my new husband in a threatening manner, growled that it was either the 'long johns' or me that would accompany him on the trip! He tried to explain that Gulmarg was freezing in December and he was susceptible to the cold, but seeing my unsympathetic stare he sputtered out of excuses. I rummaged some more and came up brandishing a monkey cap, but all nasty comments were bitten back when I saw a very pleading face looking back at me. I decided the headgear I would be able to put up with, but the 'long johns' I just could not abide.

For those of you who have never encountered a pair of 'long johns', and  good old 'fauji' issue ones at that, it is difficult to explain what an unromantic piece of clothing it is. In those days we had none of the soft warm inners that are available now. LJ's were obscene looking, thick, scratchy, poky things in a nondescript yellowish creamish colour that bulged obscenely in all the wrong places. Definitely not the most flattering or conducive piece of clothing for a honeymoon.

Once these technicalities were sorted out we left on what we thought was a ten day trip to Gulmarg in Kashmir. The flight was beautiful and staring out of the aircraft window at snow capped mountains was an absolutely breath taking experience. The plane was full of honeymooners, since December is a popular month for weddings. The other new brides were all resplendent in shiny clothes and 'chudas', whereas I was in my normal raggedy jeans with the only similarity bonding us being a parting full of 'sindoor'.

After spending a night in Srinagar we took a taxi up to Gulmarg where we stayed in five star comfort courtesy a gift from my father. The first place we checked out was the bar where I excitedly decided to experiment with exotic cocktails. Sud grimly stuck to his beer and it was only months later that he admitted he was worried about the finances and each drink I was indulging in was ridiculously expensive!

Gulmarg had just had its first snowfall and was quite magical since neither of us had ever seen the soft powdery flakes before. Sitting and gazing out at the scenery, very much in love, my darling whispered tenderly that we would be back every year, same time same place to celebrate our anniversary. I snuggled up contentedly and agreed it was the most wonderful idea.
After just three days of bliss we got the news that Sud was needed back at the squadron since they had to go  on an important detachment.  We had to abruptly cut short our honeymoon and get back to reality much sooner than expected.
I must also admit that it has been twenty eight years since then and we never did get to make it back!
 

Me, Sud and monkey cap!

History Repeats

1954

When we got home after the wedding ceremony, my new husband and I were both too exhausted to think of anything but diving into bed and getting a good night's sleep, since we were leaving for a ten day honeymoon to Gulmarg, Kashmir early the next morning.

I disappeared into the bathroom to change out of my wedding finery and literally let my hair down. The beauticians had stuck hundreds of tiny pearl studded pins  into my coiffure and getting them all out was quite a chore. With my arms raised above my head to find all of them, I glanced into the mirror and was horrified to discover the colour from the sari blouse had bled  and stained my armpits a deep pink. I was too tired to immediately do anything about the problem, so Sud and I had a chuckle over this weird phenomenon before finally tucking ourselves in for the night.

When I next spoke to my mother on the phone I joked with her about my brightly coloured body parts, and said I was surprised that she had never mentioned that  the colour of the original cape which I had converted into my blouse, would run. She burst out laughing and told me the same thing had happened to her on her honeymoon in 1954.

She only noticed the arm pits the next morning and when she self consciously asked my father why he had not mentioned anything, he mumbled sheepishly that he thought it might be some strange Indian  custom for fertility, or some other tradition to ensure a happy wedded life, and  had not wanted to appear foolish or ignorant by bringing it to her attention.

Mother and I had a good giggle over the way history sometimes repeats itself in strange and unforeseen ways!

1983

The Wedding

New beginnings

The months before D-Day flew by and before I knew it we were back in Delhi for the big event. We again stayed with Shelley and Bunny Majithia as they had offered to host the marriage in their beautiful house.

The seventeenth of December found me quite emotionally numbed out. I could hardly believe that after all the troubled times in my life I was actually getting married! The beauticians had been called to the house and I remember staring at my reflection in the mirror while they were dotting up my face, and thinking that may be I could still call it all off. My mother assured me that doubts and fears were normal apprehensions to feel at this point of time, since it was an unknown and different life that I was heading towards. I insisted on wearing the same exquisite sari that she had worn at her wedding to my father in 1954. She had sported a gorgeous matching cape with her ensemble twenty eight years earlier, which I had cut up to make my blouse.

We had arranged for the registrar to do the needful at the house itself and a strange little man  showed up punctually on the dot of six. The 'baaraat' was also thankfully there on time and we began the practical ceremony that entails a civil marriage. We were each asked if we were over eighteen years of age, if we were related in any way and if we were of sound mind and body. Then we had to sign the legal document and were declared husband and wife! 

My mother-in-law's only request was that we exchange 'jai-malas' after the ceremony, to which we happily obliged. After that was the usual round of photographs, hugs, kisses and congratulations as  the evening went by in a surreal blur. The Sud family was and is a large and complicated one, and meeting every one was a completely confusing experience. In fact it took me years to sort out who belonged to whom and how they were related.

I must admit when it was time to leave and I hugged my father goodbye I promptly burst into tears. That at least was what a good Indian bride was expected to do and I followed this custom before climbing into the car and waving goodbye to everyone as Mrs Eva Sud.

Engaged

While in Delhi we stayed in the beautiful home of Shelley and Bunny Majithia, who at the time lived in Maharani Bagh. The first thing Shelley did was to whisk me away for sari shopping because off course that was what I was supposed to wear on this auspicious occasion. A beautiful Tanchoi was what I chose and her tailor zipped up the blouse in a couple of hours. I had never worn this complicated garment before so had to be wrapped and firmly pinned up to avoid any possibility of a mishap.

Mother-in-law and sister-in-law

Father-in-law with Surjit and Sati Majithia

I was ready and waiting long before time and eventually the few family members we had invited began to trickle in. Drinks and snacks did the rounds but there was no sign of the Suds. I tried to call but their phone appeared to be dead, so I bravely smiled and took all the jibes that were being made about how maybe my man had changed his mind at the last minute! An hour later when there was still no sign of anyone I really began to panic but the mask was in place while my heart thundered with embarrassment.
The relatives were actually thinking of leaving when we heard a car pull up with the tardy family. I was fuming but greatly relieved to see all of them. Apparently Sud had high fever and they thought they should let him sleep it off! I bit back all caustic comments that seem to come so easily to my tongue and in a more relaxed frame of mind got on with the rest of the evening.
Sud gave me an engagement ring which I had chosen myself after asking him what the budget was and I put a gold chain around his neck as he refused to wear a ring. With the official exchange done we had a few drinks followed by dinner after which the Suds departed and the realisation hit me that I was now an officially affianced woman!

Manju Majithia,Simret Badal nee Majithia, Mira Akoi nee Majithia and Snoopy

Mum and Dad with Jerry and Kamini

Meeting The Suds

Sushil and Padma Sud (my wonderful father and mother in-law)

It was decided that we go to Delhi in October 82 since the engagement date was set for the 29th of the month.

I went through euphoric highs and tumultuous lows. At times I thought the most wonderful future lay ahead of me and at others I was convinced I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I  had no doubt that Sud was a good man whom I loved passionately, but thoughts of life as an air force wife gave me sleepless nights. The constant entertaining, the learning to behave in front of seniors, the uprooting of family every few years - all gave me reason for nail chewing  and wondering whether I could make a success of this phase of my life.
 My mother sensing I was worried, kept badgering me to learn the basics of cooking, which I flatly refused to do since I was firmly convinced that the kitchen would be where I would be spending most of my time once I was married.  At that point I did not even know how to boil an egg, let alone the art of manufacturing 'daal subji'!

We arrived in Delhi a week prior to the engagement date and the first thing on our agenda was the big meeting with Sud's family. I was stressed and nervous when he came to pick us up, and being told that I would have to touch his 'daadi's' feet did nothing to ease the hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach. I enquired if his parents were very traditional and when Sud answered in the affirmative I sunk into dismal silence in the back seat of the car.

Daadi

My throat was dry with tension as we drove up to the Malviya Nagar flat. His parents, elder brother Sunil and sister-in-law Anupam greeted me warmly enough, and when I saw 'daadi' emerge I dutifully dove for her toes, only to be hugged by her and told it was nice but not at all necessary. I glared at Sud who was trying hard to stifle his giggles but I was not at all amused!

I sat primly while we spent the evening in polite 'getting to know each other' conversation. The first impression I had was of a genteel and loving family from whom I had nothing to fear. I must say that I did light up a cigarette and have a drink because I wanted them to accept me for what I was. I always hated the idea of smoking in bathrooms and behind closed doors 'out of respect'. I puffed away in front of my own parents and there was no one in the world I looked up to more.

This was the beginning of many years of a gracious and affectionate relationship with Sud's family. This blog will not have any evil mother-in-law sagas because mine was the epitome of sweetness. My father-in-law was a kind and caring individual who I came to hold in high regard. Old 'daadi' was full of fun and ever ready for a bit of gossip or a movie on TV, and in no way were any of them even close to being authoritative or orthodox. That was just Sud's idea of pulling my leg when he saw me in such a tither before meeting them!

My father was against the idea of a big fat Indian wedding, but we had told him to shush since I was marrying into a good Punjabi family and it was expected that we do what they wanted. I got the shock of my life when Sud very hesitatingly asked if I would be OK with a court marriage followed by a reception since he felt exactly the same way. That is one of the first times I actually looked at my husband-to-be in total admiration and thought "Hmmmm, maybe I have actually found a man who might understand my complex personality"

Time to Think

The best stress buster in the world

Sud's remark " Give me some time to think" really rankled, but I could not question him since I had been eavesdropping and did not want to give the impression of being a snoop. We parted that evening with a hug and  kiss and then there was no further news from him.

I asked Jerry to find out what was happening and he reported that my man had suddenly left on leave. I was extremely disquieted and  took it as an ill omen, presuming he had chickened out of the relationship after being spoken to very firmly by my father.

The next three weeks went by in snapping tension where everything was getting on my nerves and I was irritating everybody with my cranking and crabbing. There was absolutely no news from Sud and with each day that passed I was convinced that the outcome would not be positive. Jerry was a constant source of encouragement when I was feeling down but even his positivity did nothing to allay my fears.

And then one evening he marched into my room with a big grin and informed me that my darling was back. Apparently they had a long chat and  good news was on the way but Sud had sworn Jerry to secrecy so he could say no more. I exploded with a hundred questions and under the onslaught my friend buckled and gleefully told me I could expect a proposal by the weekend! I was reeling with shock and delight and could barely believe what I was hearing after the last few stressful weeks.

Sure enough, Sud drove up on his bike to be met with an innocent face, since I was not supposed to know anything. He spoke to my parents first and requested my hand in marriage and then in a very gentlemanly manner asked if I would be his wife. I was so tempted to say "I need some time to think" but bit back any over smart remarks that bubbled in my brain.
When I questioned him about his sudden disappearance, he said he had wanted to tell his parents about his decision before making things official. They had given their blessings without any qualms which was a relief to me, since my family was rather different and his definitely more conventional. I never told him I was a tad resentful that Jerry knew he wanted to marry me before I did, but then willingly forgave all his minor trespasses once I understood his reasons.
I was deliriously happy and at the same time terrified of all that the marriage game would bring. I had never been keen on marrying into the forces with its nomadic lifestyle, but if that was to be my lot then so be it.

After further discussion it was decided that we would travel to Delhi in October to meet Sud's parents and get formally engaged and the wedding date was set for the 17th December.

Now is the time to reread and understand why I had written the poem 'Farewell' at this point of my life http://solitaryw.blogspot.in/2011/09/taking-break.html

Uncertainty

I thought Sud would be a bit miffed by Jules sudden marriage, but he was completely nonchalant about the unexpected turn of events. I mentioned to him that it would be nice to see him around, even though my sister was not there, and that he should keep coming over if he felt so inclined. It slowly became routine for him to drive over on Saturday evening, spend time with me, then go over to Jerry for some serious drinking and an overnight stay.

I was feeling more strongly towards him and knew he was attracted to me as well, but he never committed to anything or made any dramatic lovey-dovey statements. It was nerve wracking for me, so one evening I decided to lay it all on the line and told him exactly how I felt. He was affectionate and warm but did not say "Oh I feel the same way" or "I love you too" so I did begin to think I was making a bit of a fool of myself.

The parents were also quite unsettled by the relationship. They knew I was getting too deeply involved, but whenever they asked me what was happening or what his intentions were I had to honestly tell them I had no idea. They feared he would take me for a ride and then move out on a posting, leaving me nursing a broken heart.

I was still not allowed to attend parties at the air force station. Sud had a Yezdi bike and this form of transport was taboo in the Egan household. In exasperation he finally asked his flight commander Squadron Leader Harish Masand, if he could pick me up for a party and then drop me back after. Harish happily agreed until he realised that he would have to drive seventeen kilometres to fetch me,  then seventeen kilometres back to the party, then another seventeen to drop me and still another seventeen before he finally got home. He did it gamely a couple of times with his wife Malini sitting up front for company, before telling his young officer to just borrow his car and do the needful because the whole up down travel was too much of a pain.

My father eventually decided to have a chat with my man and ask him what his intentions were. I was listening with my ear glued to the door while they were talking, and my heart sank when I heard Sud say " I need some time to think". I was furiously indignant since I thought that should have been my line to use and promptly went back to fretfully chewing my nails.
When recounting this story my husband rubs his hands with glee and says that it was fun to have me chasing him for nearly two years. I smile wisely and reply that I have ensured that he do the same for the next twenty eight!

Unexpected

Jules had joined college in Lucknow and we would drive up every couple of months to meet her. It was on one of these trips that I was spotted by Dr SV, who thought I would make a good match for her son M. The lady contacted my parents to set up a meeting, and I promptly threw a hysterical fit when I heard this, as I was totally disinterested in any sort of alliance with anyone. Mother convinced me to at least meet the individual concerned without any strings attached, to which proposal I most reluctantly agreed.

I felt an instant disinterest bordering on dislike for  the young man when he and his mother came down from Lucknow to spend a morning with us, and told mother as much. I also noticed a flicker of interest spark between him and my sister, which I chose to ignore at that point of time. Jules went back to college and M returned to Lucknow where he promptly got in touch with her. A romance blossomed and within a few months she had accepted his proposal to spend a life time together.

The parents were quite happy with these developments, since the family was a decent one and M was studying to be a doctor, which was a plus in father's eyes. Jules was only eighteen and it was decided they could get engaged in October and then wait a couple of years before getting married. She would finish her graduation and he his internship at a Lucknow medical college.

M's relatives from all parts of the world  had gathered for another family wedding in Kanpur before they arrived in Saraya for the engagement ceremony. SV suddenly came up with the suggestion that the children should get married instead of engaged since they were so besotted with each other, all kith and kin were present and there seemed to be no point in waiting. Mum and Dad were completely taken aback since no arrangements had been made for a wedding, but when Gurpreet Majithia assured them she would handle everything, they agreed, albeit with some reservation. I found myself making frantic phone calls to everyone to inform them the engagement was off but a wedding was on!

M and Jules tied the knot at the local 'gurudwara' on 15th Oct 1982. She was wearing jewellery and a heavy 'dupatta' borrowed from Gurpreet, who had organised everything in a matter of hours. At the end of a surreal day my little sis was a married woman and we were left in a happy daze that she had found herself a good man and a loving family.
Unfortunately this union ended in bitter divorce nine years and a little girl later but that is not my story to tell.

Summer Fun

The tangled webs being woven

The summer of 1982 passed in a whirlwind of fun. The highlights were weekends, when Jerry would ask the bachelors of 1 Squadron to come over for an evening of drinking and relaxation. He would set up his barbecue by the pool side and unlimited amounts of beer would flow amidst much light hearted revelry.

This was the recipe Jerry gave me for his super delicious chicken but it never tasted the same when I tried it so I don't know if he was withholding some secret ingredient.

Jerry's BBQ chicken

Marinade chicken in honey, lemon juice, chili, soy sauce and salt for six hours. Half an hour before putting on grill add one bottle Limca.

I found I was getting more and more attracted to Sud but he seemed quite disinterested, which irritated my ego greatly. He would turn on his charm for Jules, but was always pleasantly polite with me so I had to hatch many a devious plot to get his attention.

I would wander around casually in a pair of teeny tiny shorts hoping his eyes would pop out which they never did, or so I thought at the time. I  hovered around the pool like a damsel in distress, loudly exclaiming how I hated to be pushed in, which was an open invitation for Sud to do just that. I would cling to him screeching like a banshee while he mercilessly ducked me under water. In the next ten minutes I would be innocently hanging around the edge again, trying not to notice him creeping up on me to fling me in again. Oh what tangled webs we are driven to weave.....

On one occasion two of the bachelors pushed their vehicle back seventeen kilometres, because they ran out of fuel and were too nervous to come back and ask us to help out. On another evening someone got very drunk and broke an antique dinner set and minutes later an over excited youngster backed into a centre table and smashed it to smithereens. I don't know what explanations Jerry gave to auntie Rupi whose house he lived in, for all these unforeseen damages.

Unfortunately the parents did not let us go to parties at the air force since 'the accident' was too fresh in their minds, and no amount of begging and pleading could get them to relent. They were in any case disapproving of irresponsible men on two wheelers after drinks, so we gave up trying to convince them otherwise. We  just looked forward to the exciting sound of motorbikes rumbling in the distance, which always heralded an evening of gaiety and laughter.
Those were carefree times and we were quite bereft when the squadron would be out on a detachment and we had to spend a quiet weekend on our own.