Leopards Spots etc etc

Me and my sister Juliet with Deepak (RM's old family friend). 

I met RM through mutual friends. We were both dating other people at the time, but the attraction was immediate and strong and we ended up dumping our respective partners and getting together. Things were good and he was wonderful and we quickly became an accepted and popular couple in our group.

His parents were very fond of me and they suggested I move into the small room over their garage, since I was spending most of my time at their place and it would save  the rent I was paying. I was thrilled at the idea and promptly moved in, bag and baggage, without a second thought.
Once I had settled in, RM's behaviour began to change. He became extremely possessive, moody and unpredictable. The first time he hit me over an imagined suspicion I was too shocked to react. The next time he lashed out, I hit him back and threatened to leave if he ever raised his hand again. He begged forgiveness and blubbered that he did not know what came over him, and I struggled to understand. This pattern  began to repeat itself again and again...the violence followed by weeping and crying for pardon, and me always relenting because I sincerely believed that he would change, or that I could change him if I stayed.

RM proposed we get married and I agreed to an engagement, convinced the circumstances would improve if he was more secure, but they only deteriorated over time. My parents tried to tell me that I was heading for disaster, because if he was so violent before the nuptial knot was tied the situation could only get worse.
 They never forbade the relationship or asked me to come home - they believed I had to make my own choices and bear the consequences.The hardest thing for them was to see me in pain, and it took a Herculean effort to stand by and  watch and wait, until hopefully better sense prevailed. I asked my father much later on why he did not command me to end the relationship. He said in the state of mind I was in I would only have resented him for interfering and would have done exactly what I wanted. He claimed it was only when self realisation dawned could one do the sensible thing, however difficult that might be.

I did have my light bulb moment eventually and decided to end the relationship when things got really unbearable. I retreated to Saraya, licking my wounds and swearing never ever to leave again, since I seemed to lack the ability to cope with the world and what it threw at me.
The positive that came out of this episode was my meeting Deepak Edwards, who was an old family friend of RM's. Our lives intertwined in strange and mysterious ways, so maybe it was this friendship and what came out of it, that was the reason I had to go through what I did. Today Deepak is a kind and loving father-in-law to my daughter!

The life lesson I learned from this experience is that one cannot change the basic nature of another human being. If unfortunate enough to be in a relationship where there is even a hint of abuse - verbal or physical, it is wisest to move away and save oneself greater trauma at a later date.

Lesson two is succinctly put by George Bernard Shaw " I disprove of what you say, but I will defend to death your right to say it."  I might not have always agreed with people but I have never imposed my beliefs on any one. I would only hope to offer a word of advice or a point of view, but at the end of the day each individual has to make up their own mind, and live with the aftermath of that decision. I have always respected choices and given the same unconditional support, regardless of the road opted to travel down.