Ill Health and Goodbye

The last year of our tenure in Tezpur saw both Sud and me suffering from ill health. He developed a bad allergy, which I was convinced was caused by something in the lush greenery of the countryside. Some folks suggested it might be the cats, but I argued that in the 'basha' we had lived closely with the animals and not faced any problem. It was much later, when I did more in depth research, that I discovered that sensitive reactions have the potential to build over a period of time. My poor husband was in dreadful shape with severe respiratory problems and  had to be put on steroids as a result of which he could not fly. I have never kept another cat since then as he is now so touchy that he immediately begins to wheeze even if a feline is innocently prowling somewhere in the vicinity.

We had started planning a family as well and I conceived only to miscarry a few weeks into the pregnancy. I was admitted to the Military Hospital were the doctors did what they had to do, but I found  the bleeding would not stop and I was running high fever accompanied by a crippling back ache. When I returned for a consult I was told I had an infection and was given the usual antibiotics. I did not feel any better and was in a miserable and weakened condition when news came that we were posted to Pune, to the new MiG-29 squadron that was forming there. I sadly said my goodbyes to Tezpur in a sorry and debilitated state as I followed a silly tradition of my own every time we moved, of making a quiet round of the house saying thank you walls, thank you kitchen, thank you chairs, thank you beds while touching everything one last time.
I decided to take a break in Saraya where it was diagnosed that I had a ruptured uterus. The doctors said I would never be able to conceive as my fallopian tubes had been blocked by scar tissue resulting from the severe infection that I had endured for so long.

It took months for me to recover from this ordeal though I was in depression at the idea of not having children. I was never a particularly maternal sort of person, but once I was told that it was an impossibility, the hankering for offspring naturally and irrationally grew into an obsession. I narrated woe begone dialogues to Sud saying he could marry again or leave me, because I knew he would have made a wonderful father. He glared at me and told me to stop being melodramatic as he claimed he loved me and did not particularly need or want a baby making machine. He was always supportive and understanding, though I must admit I did wallow in self pity for quite a while after and made his life quite miserable.